Making Military Marriages That Last

photo provided by Lauren Liggett

Here at Just Military Loans we know that every marriage experiences strains throughout the years, especially couples in the military.  With the additional stress of time apart and worries of safety, it’s even more important for couples to lean on each other.  As part of the Transition Project, we wanted to offer resources that can inform and offer insight to the way marriages work within the military.  We asked reporter and military spouse, Amy Bushatz, a few questions to get some insight on how to build a military marriage that will last.

Q:  What are some of the challenges military personnel face in marriage that you have seen in your research?

A:  The challenges faced by military marriages are no secret – long and frequent deployments, psychological war wounds and emotionally exhausted families are only just the beginning. Fortunately, DoD’s leadership, the President and First Lady and most of Congress are quick to acknowledge these challenges and the need for continued support.

It doesn’t mean that the budget for military family programs, including relationship support, won’t be left untouched. While the Secretary of the Army John McHugh recently pledged to protect family spending, we know it will face some challenges and cutbacks.

This may not necessarily be a bad thing, however. As several officials have noted, there is an abundance of redundant, underused or inefficient family programs within every branch of the military. Cutting the fat will likely make it easier for families to locate and use helpful services, while getting rid of the ones that are underutilized.

Q:  Is the divorce rate higher for military members given all the hardships they face?

A:  After a steady five year climb, the overall divorce rate in 2010 leveled off and remained unchanged from the previous year at 3.6 percent – a statistical tie with the 2010 rate among civilians of 3.4 percent.  Since the start of the war in Iraq the rate had increased from 2.6 percent to 3.6 percent, a small but steady climb. That the rate remained unchanged between 2009 and 2010 was heralded by Defense Department officials as a sign that their relationship support programs are working.

Q:  From your research so far, what are some key factors for maintaining a successful military marriage? 

A:  Military relationship experts are quick to note that keeping a military marriage strong comes down to a few key factors: preparation and dedication.

As with most relationships, hard times happen. With military relationships, those hard times are often substantially different than the ones experienced by civilians. Military life isn’t about dealing with long nights at the office or sudden work trips. Hard times in military marriages are defined by accumulative years of separation, deep psychological wounds and the potential for serious physical injury. If a couple is not dedicated to working through these situations, their marriage can easily crumble.

But you don’t have to tackle that dedication alone. The military gives plenty of chances for both spouses and service members to prepare for the hard time through free classes, retreats and private counseling. It is a personal choice whether or not a person will seek preparation to handle the wounds of war. Ignoring opportunities to do so is a quick road to trouble.

For more articles on relationships in the military, visit the Spousebuzz.com for more articles on marriage and family.

Amy Bushatz is a 2010 Philips Foundation Journalism Fellowship winner.  She spent a year thoroughly researching, aggregating and reporting on relationship support in the military. Besides being a military spouse herself, Amy is an associate news editor/reporter for Military.com and a blogger for Spousebuzz.com.