Soldiers that Return as Strangers: Dealing with PTSD

Posted by Mary Davis on Oct 19, 2011 in Blog, Guide, Military | 0 comments

It’s natural for us to worry, hope and pray that our servicemen and women return safely from military deployment – especially when they are our spouses and family.  We can be so grateful if they come home physically unharmed, but sometimes you can’t see the mental struggles that some of them go through.  Inside their minds can be a vast array of damage or sickness brought on by the devastation of war.

How Do We Understand?

photo source: www.truthout.org

Trying to comprehend the impact of war as a spouse or family member may be a difficult task, because many returning soldiers do not want to discuss or relive the consequences of wartime deployment. If you think that your spouse or family member is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) there are VA Medical Centers that offer one on one counseling or group counseling to qualifying veterans. Active duty servicemen and women have the necessary resources available to them immediately upon request.

Symptoms and Warning Signs

These are symptoms of PTSD. They are warning signs that your loved one may be suffering and needs help:

• Nightmares/ Delusions: You might be told, “Don’t ever touch me while I am sleeping!” The reason being is a trained soldier’s initial reaction may be physical. Reoccurring nightmares, talking in their sleep, delusional statements and instances where the individual has no idea where he or she is.
• Seclusion/ Withdrawal:  A once active and socially adapt individual would now rather be alone.
• Panic Attacks/ Anxiety:  Crowded places and social events, such as shopping and high school sporting events, can cause panic and anxiety. There are many people not suffering from PTSD who do not like attending places with large crowds so consider if it’s something out of character for an individual.
• Substance Abuse: He or she has gone from a casual drinker to a daily drinker. This is a warning sign and a common coping mechanism for PTSD. The solider may feel a sense of relief or the capability to forget the unforgettable, if only for a brief moment.

My Story: PTSD affected my family and destroyed my world.

Being retired military myself, I noticed PTSD symptoms almost immediately when my spouse returned from his last deployment. I know Samuel enough to know that getting him to a VA hospital wasn’t going to be easy. He hates doctors, hospitals, and check-ups.  So I had my work cut out for me. I was certain he wouldn’t be open to my thoughts of him suffering from PTSD so I had to be sneaky. I mentioned that he should schedule his yearly physical while I secretly knew that the VA physician would ask all the questions pertaining to PTSD.  I knew this was the only way to get my husband back and for my children to get their father back.

Or so I thought. He was so angry. He refused to take any of the prescribed medication, attend any of the group meetings,  or go to one-on-one counseling. The man I once knew and loved was now a stranger to me – a walking time bomb. Thankfully our daughter left for college so she didn’t have to witness the changes that were taking place. Our son wasn’t as lucky though. He was still in high school and very aware of his father’s illness. The end of our son’s junior year I sent him to stay with his grandparents for the summer. I was going to focus on my husband and help him get better.

With both our children away, Samuel let his guard down completely. He didn’t have to hide his drinking. Whiskey became his best friend and helped him forget the past−including his family and friends. We were no longer important. I stayed by his side and comforted him when I could. I tried to remind him of our life, our family, and our dreams.

It was like talking to a brick wall. There were times when he had no idea who I was and attempted to physically hurt me.  There was this one time I really thought he was going to kill me.  Imagine my terror, when a man that has been trained to kill, picked me up by my throat with his hands.

Samuel honestly had no idea who I was or where he was. Something clicked in his hard head and he put me down. He woke the next morning with a blank memory. I knew then and I know now that he would never intentionally hurt me, that he is sick and I can’t fix him. I knew that I had to move out for my safety and to create a healthy boundary.

Today he lives two miles away from me. I take him supper every night, in hopes that he will remember to eat. I always leave my phone on in case he needs me. I will never stop caring for him or helping him, but I can’t watch him kill himself either. I hope he takes the steps someday to get help. He knows they’re available but he has to take that first step. Right now I am taking the steps I need so I can be healthy.

I share this story because I know I am not alone and there are so many other families that are experiencing the effects of war.  If you know anyone suffering from PTSD or if you think you are suffering from PTSD seek professional help. Don’t give up on life because of pride and remember there is hope.

Have you or someone you know dealt with PTSD?  What were some things that helped you work through it?  What advice would you give others who are experiencing PTSD?